Sunday, October 18, 2009

Making Whoopee

Oh Lord. It has been more than a month since I have written and I am fearful that this foul disease is slowly taking me down the road to physical and financial ruin only to leave me as a dead old person or one whose every breath is tied to social welfare. Still, I must preserve a shred of dignity by standing to one hard and fast rule: I will never take anything from the all around entertainment icon, Ms. Whoopi Goldberg of the USA. I admit that nearly every morning I awake with a ill thought directed at MS. Goldberg mostly in conjunction with fellow funny person Billy Crystal, a person whom I also loathe. The only thing saving Crystal from being randomly smashed some night by thugs under my control is his habit of constantly hogging Goldberg's time during comic relief programs by "channeling" some long winded worldly hipster jazz musician who rambles ad nauseam "can you dig it?" "I know you can." The trouble is that Crystals recitations all sound like the stuff or your average Menshe rather than the black person he aims for, and this has to bug Whoopi who, contrary to her bio, is a negro but is not really a Jew.
There is just something about Whoopi G that disqualifies her as a human in my world. For instance there is her recurring character in one of the star trek shows where she plays at being the all knowing bartender at the X-roads of the universe (or something)however; the whole concept is blown to hell by her costume mostly centered around a huge saucer shaped hat that belongs to a future complete with flying cars and vertical cities. I don't know WTF she and Ted Danson had going, unless she was using the relationship as a means to hone her bar tending skills.

Now Texino was a guy who enjoyed a sexual encounter as much as one could. Illness has robbed me some desire but I still simmer for a taste but try as I might, I could not bless the blankets with WG. I know that style Mavin Miss Martha Stewart of CN. may not be the green tea of your taste, I would gladly put that little shiver and smile where it goes without messing up things too much, just enough so she would remember my name in the comfort and safety of her night moves. I am a nice man,