Friday, May 30, 2008

Oh Oh

I got this warning in the mail. I think you were supposed to pass it along to everyone in the world. I was called " The new First Family" or something along those lines but what it was really about was showing lots of pictures of "African Natives" of the stereotype typified by the graphic shown here and then identify them as relatives to the natural father of presidential hopeful Barack Obama. The fact that the senior Obama was an African is no secret nor is the fact that he abandoned his US family and went back to Africa where he had some more wives and kids. I think he's dead. Never the less there are no shortage of snap shots of the relatives of Barack's Dad goofing around the Dark Continent looking like natives.

What does this have to do with Sen. Obama's qualification to be President? Nothing, however; it does show that he may have a decent chance because these are the actions of a frightened opponent. I must say that I was distressed when I saw the Democrats were putting up what seemed to be two unelectable candidates in a year when they pretty much had a lock on the race. I think a woman is electable, just not Mrs. Clinton. Too much baggage with her husband; too much cold calculation on the spot. Now a Black person? I can dig it. BUT IMO, both JFK and RFK were assassinated because they allowed states rights to be set aside on the subject of race, and even with the possibility that the "illegal" is actually the "new Nigger" I still believe they are crumpled up old men who will not allow a black to succeed and since Obama has the charismatic power and forward shaped ideas to carry the nation and his racial group into a new thought pattern, it is a given that he will be taken out by untraceable means before he can institute a legacy for a successor to honor. Boy what a country!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

What the Hell do I know?

Not much. I do know that I'm not like most other people and that has stood me up over the years. Now that I am reaching an old age, however, I see where I little more conformity might have come in handy. But, what the hell do I know? I have a few ideas. Your mortal soul for instance. People including science people have shown interest in the existence of this phenomenon even going to the trouble of weighing people on sophisticated scales right at the moment of death to determine the weight of the soul, while others have used the magic of photography to capture the essence of life waving goodbye as it wafts away from it's former host, now a useless shell. But wait! What about these dead people who come back to life?
People who have all the clinical signs of death, most often from immersion in cold water or sometimes purposely cooled down like those who have heart surgery. These people are technically dead, yet, when managed properly or else by a combination of very good luck suddenly fire up, and they are just fine. This kind of rubs against the soul thing because, if that ethereal bit of "self" actually did fly off to glory when the old body lay down, these lucky ducks who wake up after 17 hours of "death" should by all events be Zombies. Of course they are not. Far from it, in fact, for your average modern day Lazarus tends to declare that "God" has a little task for them and they are positive He will let them know real soon.

Now let me tell you a little something about God. There are exactly 1 zillion people on earth and you got to ask your self this: If God is in control of the whole banana, what is the use of Him bringing people back to life or allowing them to survive some terrible calamity when He might just as well put some people on the planet with the power and intellect to put things right? What I am saying is the people who "Know they have been saved for a special reason" are not given some Biblical task, such as moving a mountain or digging a hole to China. No, if they do anything, they are likely to get on the radio or TV and ask for money to do God's work. God's Work in this case would be making sure that the preacher has a fancy car. It would certainly do God a big favor were some TV minister to live in clean but modest circumstance, drive a 1993 van and distribute all the millions of dollars directly into a structured program to help the poor and homeless without being judgemental and forcing opinions on them in exchange for a bowl of soup. I think God would gain quite a bit of favor were that to happen. People might even believe in Him and as a favor He might save the planet. But what do I know?

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Hank Snow Island killer (secret message to the Canadians)

At's right. Mr. Hank Snow, The Singing Ranger from The Maritimes. The man is responsible for literally driving good solid maritime provinces from the shores of Canada and leaving the remaining populations terribly high strung. The provinces of which I speak include Newport, RI.; Martha's Vineyard, MA; The Channel Islands of CA. and most of Hawaii as well as the Philippines. A lot of good real estate has left the Commonweal due to Snow's weird habits of making up strange songs about rocket ships and squids and Filipino Eskimos. We are talking about actual islands just drifting away to other countries. In my opinion Canadians should unite to bring these homelands home. Snow's dead, he cannot hurt you anymore. Just think the surge of pride that could come from bringing the Islands home could do wonders for the poor souls in the remaining connected maritime lands, people like my friend Dane who goes ballistic at the suggestion that Canadian Baseball rules allow 5 strikes and Metal bats. It's just a joke Dane! Personally, I think it is a damn shame that Canadians can't seem to recall when these Islands were a part of the great lands north of Buffalo. Trust me, they were as Canadian as Leonard Cohen ,and while putting the land back on the Canadian Coastline may not be plausible, I should think a person with the power of The Presidency of The USA could probably put the titles right back in your pocket. Oh, you didn't know I was running for office? Well I am and it's a write in deal, soooo anyone who drops over the border
around election time might just nip into a polling place and write Texino on a ballot; as often as you want actually. If things work out for me, I wont forget you. Know what I'm saying? I am saying if you border boys help me in this election, I'll cede a bunch of valuable islands to Canada on the premise that they were originally yours. American Sovereignty? Screw that, I'm from Panama. Hows about you guys help me in Florida and maybe I give you Long Island! I tell you I'm ready to deal and there are plenty of hot properties here in the US that I can easily live without and would fit right in to cosmopolitan Canada. Like New Orleans for instance. Or Tampa, FL. Tampa/Toronto see what I mean? I say take some of these spots an infuse a little Canadian common sense and we will have two very fine countries at work.

Think it over. OK? Fine.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Frog Power

Texino here and, yes, I am still interested in being your write-in candidate for President of the United States (cha cha cha-Ole') For my parties' mascot I have chosen the humble but extremely powerful, from the occult standpoint, Green Frog. (see image)  Powerful?  Well consider this.  In Tibet rumor has it that Chinese engineers attempting to build the world's highest railroad to Lhasa were thwarted in their efforts by the interference of a frog the size of a truck.
Now the rumor does not exactly spell out what the big frog did.  I suppose one day the Chinamen were laying track with the ant-like cooperation that comes from being a good commie and the uncanny precision which causes one to continue the Chinese-insect metaphor, when all of a sudden they came upon the large amphibian sunning itself in their path.  What to do?  Well, in every People's Project, there must be a political officer to make sure that, even though everyone is the same, workers take orders from their bosses who are not really their bosses in theory but are in practice which, BTW, is why Communism looks so cool on paper and attracts intelligent and wealthy British Homosexual
 men in such large numbers.  My point here is that this being a communist undertaking it is quite possible that a committee was gathered to discuss the options afforded and just as likely that this was done at the railhead in full site of "The Frog" and even more likely still that the insect metaphor was not lost on the giant jumper who may well have decided to sample several members of the hastily convened politburo.  At this juncture, I'm certain a consensus to just "Run a-way" was reached and and the project was abandoned.  Of course it is far more likely that simple economics played the role of giant frog here and the world''s highest railroad was a victim of the world wide slump.  Big Frog makes for a better story though and the government doesn't look too bad.  Rumor is big in China.  People don't read and write.  You ever see what passes for writing in China?  Riiiight! Those pictograms are supposed to be words?  Sez who?   Well I'm not here to discuss this.
It's Frog Power that's on my mind and I think I have demonstrated that The Frog is a symbol of mystical power and certainly a worthy campaign pet.  So come on out and jump on the Texino Bandwagon and, come election day, if my name's not on your ballot, please write it in. You will be helping your country and your self.     

Saturday, May 03, 2008

The Last Refuge of a Scoundrel

That's correct folks, Politics.  By now it is probably no secret that I have managed to alienate one of the hardest working acts in show biz simply by questioning the way they decreed things would go and then not exactly agreeing with it.  Well one thing led to another thing and now things sit at such a point that I have no choice but to run for President of The USA either by "Draft" or "Write in".  Now drafting works because I have been drafted before and things came out OK.  In fact, while Candidate McCain was sneaking around the skies blowing up whatever was down below like a bloody terrorist, Texino was fighting the "enemy" face to face and gaining respect for him as a person which is what allowed us to end the war and get guys like McCain turned loose with their heads still attached.  I mean it people, when Terrorist blew down some buildings in NYC with our own stuff.  We went crazy and started a war with the guy who did not do it and then rejoiced as he was hung by his opposition party.   Meanwhile back in the Vietnam years when war was just starting to be in color we were blasting the crap out of any damn thing there was to hit and then hauling ass out of town, it's no wonder that the locals were a little cheesed off when they caught a brave night pilot.  BUT?  Did they hack him to death? No.  Did they cut off his business and feed it to him? Nope.  Water Board?  Water Ski? Hardly.  No, they put them in a parade with the wreckage of their plane as evidence and people yelled at them because they were angry.  Angry, just as we would have been had, during our war between the states, the Canadians suddenly appeared in flying machines dropping flaming haystacks and overly ripe OX carcasses indiscriminately about the south.

See there are two sides to every conflict and the sooner you understand what's truly the matter
, the quicker you stop it and people get friendly and trade develops.  Everythings OK.  

Well, if I'm so smart, how come I'm fighting with this couple.  Glad you asked.  These folks are like and independent country; one of the good ones that showed up after the breakup of the Soviet Union and it's going to take "Politics" to put this one to bed.

My plan?  Well I think I'm pretty bright and I know where to find the muscle when it's needed.  Texino is a proud old name and easy to write.  Really a big T and a little x will get you by on a write in.  No way that will be misconstrued.

Now I would like to speak about my running mate V.P. Candidate Linda Lookadoo (rhymes with Mikado)  Not Only does Linda's name add some oriental mysticism that has long been missing from the American Body Politic but the concept of a president with no 1st Lady at hand (Mrs T is having none of this) and an attractive unmarried VEEP is certain to set tongues wagging from The Washing Post to the Nat'l Enquirer and getting right to the people who are crass enough to vote with their repressed libidos.  My Public!  Also just because I'm rhyming Lookadoo with a Japanese name doesn't mean she is one.  She's a hot red head who will do what's necessary to help our ticket.  You know,  "Win a date with The VP to the Black Keys Concert."  We are ready to run this fucking country right know what I'm saying? (Rap)  So start the ball you all-Tommy Texino -The Candid Candidate go to the Polls write it in, things be much better than what they been!  That's TEXINO   904-540-7869 call me early call me late We'll talk about your state. (End Rap)

See you...TT