Sunday, July 15, 2012

Blow Me! (Your catchall offensive statement)

Ha Ha Ha,  You probably think I'm heading back into that silly sex boasting I was on yesterday, but no!  Todays topic has to do with handy all around conflict stoppers.  Now when some person is giving you downright inexcusable trouble there are legions of insults to put paid to the conflict.
(I should insert here that I am not talking about physical altercations that might escalate into a real fight.)  What I'm about is the situation where some person says "May I help you?" when he or she means it as a chalenge of your right to exist in some place held holy by their herd.  That sort of attitude really gets to me because I was raised as a gentleman of fashion and breeding, so the snotty implication is very clear.  Of course the normal response to this attack might be "Oh go fuck yourself!" That will stop your average snoot head, but it is also a form of assault. For real! Jumping on someones case with profanity is illegal and touching them is battery.  So, say someone lays that " you?" riff on you and you say "Fuck off bitch" and push past the lady or gent, you could be going down for A&B. That's why I prefer the catch all shutdown, "Blow Me!"

Now most people know what the term implies, but unlike the more descriptive "Suck my dick!"
Blow Me! balances on an inference.  Hell, it's a non-sequitur.  You say it's a request for oral sex?
Well Buck, go down to some sex palace whiskey bar, walk up to some handsome woman and say "Blow Me" chances are you might get hurt. If you are a man and try the same routine at a same sex man's club, well gay people are sort of all about sex, so it's hard to figure what they might do.

Well I'm tired again and starting to hide puns, so it's time for old texino to mosey.  I know I'm writing a little out of tune, but I'm trying to get ahead of this disease.  I'm not sure what is going on.  Could be that I am becoming a Zombie; I mean I feel dead and alive in equal parts, but I am not hungry for your brains. (at this time)

I better clean this up before I fall to sleep at the keys.  So please remember, do not use profanity or put your hands on your assailant.  Just tell them to blow you and walk away.  If that scares your sense of propriety do the "Popeye" and say "Blow me down!"  There is always a way. Also do not forget that "Blow Me!" while not profane is an impolite statement and probably should not be used for anything but an insult. Remember it is a non sequitur which means "does not follow"
So Texino says, you want something to happen, just be nice and gentle; give and you will get.
Me, I've got to cast aside this memory issue and start acting my age. Oh how sad is that?                                                                                                                        

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