Wednesday, July 08, 2009

I ought to write a book about you

That would be you, the people in the USA. How come? Well, I've spent a lot of time studying you at your worst, so I can predict pretty much what will happen when you are confronted with some sort of difficulty. Give you an example? Sure. OK, lets say you are a woman around 22 years old and you have had too much to drink, so you start some shit with your boyfriend while you are leaving
a bar. Now say the BF is too calm, so you decide to show him (and everyone else) by tossing your self from the car while it's still driving slowly around the parking lot. Someone will call an ambulance. When the ambulance gets there, a bunch of drunken women will have gathered around and will be crying hysterically about how much they love you while you lie on the ground like a fish and refuse to answer any one's questions. That's OK because the girls who are crowded around will give all sorts of answers and instructions to the EMS crew who, by this time, will be wishing the car had run over your head and created an interesting case. Now depending on how your Boyfriend is reacting you may cooperate or continue to act like a spoiled child which is a part all drunk people play to perfection regardless of age. I will say that I have seen a few cases where people fell from a speeding car and each one resulted in death or extreme injury. The also either occurred by accident or in one case, a suicidal mental patient managed to get out of a very small window of a van which was transporting her to a serious mental facility. She didn't say so long to the two attendants who were riding up front, so it took them a few minutes to notice. I will just say that the suicidal patient was successful and the mental health transport company was in trouble deep. So there. I'll say that some of you are incredibly brave while others lose it in a second. I've tried to learn by example, but I've noticed that just about every one will fight to stay alive and the tough old coot who says "When my time comes, it comes" will be the first to call when early heart failure comes on. So yeah, I have you number but the fact of the matter is enough of you fit your stereotype that I could write it all down true as tuna fish and no one would print a word. That's too bad because while everyone gets the same illness and injury there are specific scams to the system which are perpetrated by various groups of people, rich and poor alike. I watched it for 30 years and it got to where you could pretty much figure on the rap you would get when the patient was not really sick to the point of needing a mobile ICU to carry their butt to the ER. All they have to do is politely request transport and they will get it, but that never seems to cross any one's mind. Maybe I'll make a list of common excuses given for nonsense calls and let you make your own decisions. Later with that. Cheers and Sorrows...TT

1 comment:

Nurze Barry said...


After pulling a 12 hour shift in the ER today, I too am feeling a lack of love for the lame fakers, drama queens and soul suckers that are encountered in the Emergency room as well as their natural environment upon the street. While I am wise to their shenanagins, their clueless families and other unfortunate normal folks in the vicinity are deluded into thinking there is something actually wrong with these dirtbags who feed upon the misplaced sympathies of others. This creates a pissed-off ER nurse and seriously increases the demands upon my alcohol budget. Will President BO's health care plan address these problems and bail me out?

Your pal and hopeless mandolin pounder,

Leonard B. Akers, RN