There are no reasons to fly in panic over wars or rumors of wars that are being spread by the yellow press as we speak. John Chinaman can simply cut his cue and grow fond of American names like, Jason, Roy or Huck. Warning, if you lose your gas service do no go into the street to faint like a communist. Simply run a hose to your good neighbor's home
and pipe your own for the few minutes it will take the gaza to be repaired good as new! Commie= coward! So pay no attention to their cries of "torture" Keep your feet on the ground and visit the ball park Roasted Peanuts 5¢! Extra Extra Alice Roosevelt Longworth the daughter of President TR. has given birth to a negro baby! Terrible mistake says TR from Africa. DRs prove Mrs Roosevelt "too small to have carried the child". Meanwhile search continues in the Baltimore area where the large baby had acquired a straight razor and was setting up house in the Harbor district living on blood and mild electricity. Evidently this electric blood diet is going to put the citizens of 1909 far ahead
of our wildest dreams for progress. Meanwhile "Scientists" Nicolo Tesla and Albert Einstein are predicting a vast slow down. Writers HG Wells and Jules Verne go on to write many fanciful stories based on this incident. It would seem Mrs. R was mad. Beware of things to come! Wireless electric aircraft will fly! Negroes will Join Marine Corps. Bad things happen. Marines and White House share blame. Nation enters the years of horror.