Saturday, December 13, 2008
Too Old To Drive?
OK folks. It happened just the other day. I was driving in some manner or other that caused a younger person to pull around me and stare right at me with the very same look I have given others for years. The name of the look is, "Too Old To Drive" or "T.O.T.D" or sometimes just "Tot" Well anyway, I got that look and I did not care for it because I am not too old to drive. How do I know? Well, first off. When a man gets too old to drive two things happen. First, he gets really short and second his ears grow large. Now if you look at the pictures above you will see that in the one on the left, I am signing an autograph for the Center of the Chinese Woman's Olympic basket ball squad who at 7' 2" is pretty tall for a girl. Anyway, you can plainly see from this picture that even at the advanced age of 61, I still stand a good 8' and some, plus my ears are perfectly normal in size (see close up)
Now some of you must be saying, "I know old Texino and I've never realized he was a giant!" Well that's OK my friends, I can make my self seem small so as not to frighten people and to just fit in. Sometimes though, like other animals, I have to make my self seem bigger to scare off adversaries. At times like that I can puff up and get my hair to stand up straight like eraser head and spew large amounts of ready mix cement from my mouth. I don't know how I do that, but it's enough to scare most people and if it doesn't I can always start pulling sheet rock from under the back of my shirt and nail it up with my bare hands. If you were to be walking around some place and come upon what seemed to be an impromptu Home Depot demonstration outside of a bar, its safe to say I probably had a run in with some guys there. I find that a good show of construction technique can calm the most violent men right down. If not, I can just tear them to bits. Like bugs. Little bugs with bright cotton clothes.
Well that's it for now, I just wanted to put your minds to rest over this driving issue. That kid's damn lucky I didn't make a paper weight out of him. Too old to drive my foot.