Do I Voo Doo?

I was disipointed recently because an essay I had been asked to submit in support of a broarder piece was cut out altogether. I did feel compelled to send a letter to the editor letting him know that, as a Latino, I was insulted and would have my satisfaction even if I had to use Voo Doo to get it. In fact, I included a photo of a Root Doctor and a Zombie.(That is the Zombie right there folks)  I think I made it clear that my retribution was more symbolic than anything else and he could easily escape with a simple, " Im sorry," however; I do have a copy of a book written by this fellow and, therefore, have all the connection I need to reach him using the old ways. Rather than Zombify him, however;  I am more likely to have my Root Doctor cause a brief tummy ache where the only relief would come from the release of gas in the form noisy "farts."  These would be unique in that they would sound out various effects such as a trumpet doing a horses whinny or the deep tones of an Ocean liner's steam whistle. Imagine being at a formal dinner when, suddenly, the familiar oboe that heralds the dawn in Rossini's Overture emanates from beneath the table or perhaps an embarrassed man striding through a lobby trailing the sound of song birds in his wake. Of course such flatulence would be rendered odorless so as not to detract from sound quality.  We have the power to act, right here in the jungle. I don't know what I'll do because I'm still pretty sore about this and must not act out of haste. These things do take timing and a slip up might land me in hot water.  I think I better send the story to Ms. Moon just to be sure it doesn't really suck.  On the other hand, if I do get in trouble for using Voo Doo, I'm going to say "I did it for kicks, Man." or "To get my name in the paper."