Thursday, September 13, 2007
A bit O Bathroom Humor w/Babs
I used to wonder what "heat lightning" was. Then I looked it up, and they told me it was just lightning flashes from actual storms far away reflecting on clouds near by. I didn't really believe it til I got radar on this computer. I mean now I can turn on The Weather Underground website and if I hit the right button I can see the storms with their little knife like arrows prowling around like a bunch of delinquents. If I don't happen to have the computer on right at the moment, one of my early warning poodles will hear the thunder long before me and 80 lb of dog in your lap will get your attention if nothing else. So with dogs in my lap and computers running, I'm starting to sound like Irma Bombeck or something. Well, I'm not her, unless, of course, she, being dead, has over taken me somehow. I wonder what Martha Stewart's up to today? I doubt if she sleeps very late. How do I know? Well, I know a great deal about "Marty" and I know she sleeps in a single bed in the converted attic of her country place where a servant might once have slept. The lady is all about entertaining but that doesn't include "The bedroom." We are, after all, not living in France! No I doubt if M. bestows her sweet favors on some lucky dinner guest and that's why we are not privy to well, The Privy, or the Sleeping Chamber. I was thinking about asking Martha to accompany me on an ocean voyage aboard The Yacht Pelican's Pouch. Just the two of us watch and watch as we sailed down the well worn longitude to the Antilles. I know that Marty would bring all the right gear and show up for her watch a tad early in a bulky fisherman's sweater with a steaming cup clutched securely in place and make sure she had the course and all that. I also know that she would also be happily snug in a quarter berth reading in the special golden light that only lives in a sailboat duing the evening hours. A quarter berth is a snug little spot toward the rear of the boat that you enter feet first and just your head and shoulders poke out. You might not even notice it if no one was in there. Now, I'm quite aware that more than a few do not share my attraction for Miss Martha Stewart of Connecticut, US. In fact, many have expressed an interest in the oddly proportioned singer and actress, Ms. Barbara Streisand of NYC, NY and say she is "The Kind." Well other than professing a like of ice cream during he early years, Babs has always struck me as wacko. Kind of an intelligent Cher. Or maybe just a Jewish one. It's very possible that Cher may be the better actress plus, as far as I am aware, she has never resorted to the weirdness of a Laura Nyro song to get on the pop charts. Away with all that and avast! I want to talk about some serious trouble in the rest room. While I am not one to dwell on the matters of what a person does "off stage", at the same time, I can deal with it. It would seem, however, that while my gal pal Martha has issues there to some extent, your buddy Babs is a total fruitcake on the subject! What do you mean Texino? Been snooping around the ladies' again you naughty fellow? Short answer? No, however; I did read in the yellow press that Ms Streisand pitched a MAJOR fit up there in NYC during the filming of some movie where she was the producer, director and co-star (right- Babs don't co-anything) She pitched this fit because, get this, When she used the toilet in her trailer/motor home on the location, she had to turn around in order to flush it, thereby facing the possibility of Seeing what she might have left in the bowl. Excuse me! I mean aren't you supposed to take a passing interest in what you pass? It can sort of tip you off to some deadly diseases you know. Don't mean you need to become too fascinated with the stuff or anything, but come on, let's be a grown up. Anyway, never a slave to irony, Ms. Streisand who, BTW, was playing a Shrink in the film got her way and a bigger trailer, and life goes on don't cha know. I'm not certain what Martha may have pulled during her recent imprisonment, but since she could not hire out someone to go for her, I guess she just had to deal with it. As far as dealing with it, think of the money that could have been saved if Barbara would have used the porta-potty! That way her "Stuff" would have fallen in with that of the commoner and she might have even learned a small lesson; something you should try to do every day anyway.