The Last Refuge of a Scoundrel

That's correct folks, Politics.  By now it is probably no secret that I have managed to alienate one of the hardest working acts in show biz simply by questioning the way they decreed things would go and then not exactly agreeing with it.  Well one thing led to another thing and now things sit at such a point that I have no choice but to run for President of The USA either by "Draft" or "Write in".  Now drafting works because I have been drafted before and things came out OK.  In fact, while Candidate McCain was sneaking around the skies blowing up whatever was down below like a bloody terrorist, Texino was fighting the "enemy" face to face and gaining respect for him as a person which is what allowed us to end the war and get guys like McCain turned loose with their heads still attached.  I mean it people, when Terrorist blew down some buildings in NYC with our own stuff.  We went crazy and started a war with the guy who did not do it and then rejoiced as he was hung by his opposition party.   Meanwhile back in the Vietnam years when war was just starting to be in color we were blasting the crap out of any damn thing there was to hit and then hauling ass out of town, it's no wonder that the locals were a little cheesed off when they caught a brave night pilot.  BUT?  Did they hack him to death? No.  Did they cut off his business and feed it to him? Nope.  Water Board?  Water Ski? Hardly.  No, they put them in a parade with the wreckage of their plane as evidence and people yelled at them because they were angry.  Angry, just as we would have been had, during our war between the states, the Canadians suddenly appeared in flying machines dropping flaming haystacks and overly ripe OX carcasses indiscriminately about the south.

See there are two sides to every conflict and the sooner you understand what's truly the matter

, the quicker you stop it and people get friendly and trade develops.  Everythings OK.  

Well, if I'm so smart, how come I'm fighting with this couple.  Glad you asked.  These folks are like and independent country; one of the good ones that showed up after the breakup of the Soviet Union and it's going to take "Politics" to put this one to bed.

My plan?  Well I think I'm pretty bright and I know where to find the muscle when it's needed.  Texino is a proud old name and easy to write.  Really a big T and a little x will get you by on a write in.  No way that will be misconstrued.

Now I would like to speak about my running mate V.P. Candidate Linda Lookadoo (rhymes with Mikado)  Not Only does Linda's name add some oriental mysticism that has long been missing from the American Body Politic but the concept of a president with no 1st Lady at hand (Mrs T is having none of this) and an attractive unmarried VEEP is certain to set tongues wagging from The Washing Post to the Nat'l Enquirer and getting right to the people who are crass enough to vote with their repressed libidos.  My Public!  Also just because I'm rhyming Lookadoo with a Japanese name doesn't mean she is one.  She's a hot red head who will do what's necessary to help our ticket.  You know,  "Win a date with The VP to the Black Keys Concert."  We are ready to run this fucking country right know what I'm saying? (Rap)  So start the ball you all-Tommy Texino -The Candid Candidate go to the Polls write it in, things be much better than what they been!  That's TEXINO   904-540-7869 call me early call me late We'll talk about your state. (End Rap)

See you...TT