Saturday, July 21, 2007

Be Seeing you, maybe.

Hi it's Texino and I am in possession of some news.  It you seem that through the same hereditary aspects which make me attractive to all the sexes as well as an artist nonpareil, I have contracted yet another bizarre disease which would sideline me, this time by robbing me of my sight.  Oddly, I had a vision of this many years ago, while riding a city bus.  I noticed a sign which showed a man in a burglar's outfit and read that the disease Glaucoma can steal your sight, like "a thief in the night"  For those who do not know, a burglar wears a horizontal striped jersey with long sleeves, corresponding black trousers, a workman's cap, crepe souled shoes and a little goggle-like mask around his eyes.  This may be why he moves about at night. At any rate, when I saw that advertisement, my mind said "That's for me."  Now, so many years later, it has come to pass.  Of course time has not stood still and clever science may have just the trick for this particular sort of Glaucoma.  Sadly, treatment is not free of charge, but it is one of those things where I might have insurance for fixing it.  We will see.  (suddenly, things which were not puns are puns; must be a word for that. Note to self: If  not, make one up) So the thing is, if I do happen to lose my vision, it's not like I have not spent time preparing for the possibility.  One good thing is this; quite a few blind people work as musicians and since I am still one of those albeit half-assed at the moment, I could probably get a gig singing the blues. (If you want to hear me do that then go here, and choose "red rooster" from the available titles) I even have an animal pal who can act as my guide and I have made up a funny joke about that to put my audience at ease with my handicap.  Here is how it goes.  I come on stage with my dog and introduce him and then make a comment about how the German Shepard is the greatest of guide dogs and so on.  Now what makes this funny is that my dog, Cosmo, is a great big yellow French Poodle.  So you see the audience would think that I think I have this big macho dog and I don't know that I have a giant poodle because I'm blind!  See, I like to think ahead, just incase.  Of course I am really  concerned about this issue, but it's better that I put on a brave face.  Being blind would be terrible if only because Icaa f foucj yod <––––– that's supposed to say "I can't touch type."  In fact, I have a hard time typing at all because I cannot always remember where the letters are, even though they are right in front of me.  It has something to do with another disease and is one of the reasons I am disabled.  I don't want people to feel too sorry for me though because #1 I feel sorry enough for myself and #2, I'm pretty certain I am getting what's coming to me because I have done some terrible things in my life.  Please note, however, that I said "too" sorry and that means it is OK with me if people want to hug me and tell me I'm getting a bad break.  It would be especially convenient if someone, perhaps a woman with her own money, would feel a duty to take me on as a project.  I mean you hear about this sort of thing all the time where somebody takes up with a convicted murderer over at the The Pen.  Texino is nothing like that!  Now, before you get all indignant and say "Hey what about Mrs. Texino?" I suggest you refer to item #2 above.  Well, that's my news.  Sometimes I forget that my blog is called damed lies, but that is supposed to represent the futile nature of the internet.
Ok, I have come up with a word to describe an etiological shift––like when words suddenly become puns.  The word is "Circumfraction "  Look it up in the dictionary.  You won't find it.
So, how do I get away with that?  Simple, I have a poetic license.

1 comment:

Ms. Moon said...

You are not going to go blind. This will not happen.