Monday, September 29, 2008

The Pain from Spain or, A trip to the dentist.

Is it safe? That is the question I was asking my self at 0300 this morning as I lay a bed suffering from an abscess in my lower jaw. Of course that is the famous line delivered by Sir Lawrence Olivier to Dustin Hoffman in the film "Marathon Man" before and during the most chilling and visceral torture scene ever. "Is it safe? ",asks the kindly old man as he probes Hoffman's dental field til he finds a small cavity. Then the bastard lets him have it right down to the root with one of those picks that dentists use and Dustin about levitates. I never liked the dentist much in the first place, but after seeing that film, well two things: I've tried to keep holes out of my teeth and have know for certain that torture is really fucked up because "They can make you talk." I mean I know ways to hide a secret, but if someone really want's you to confess to some thing, they'll have you singing like a bird pretty damn quick. Anyway, last night, I felt as though Sir Larry had been at me for a couple of hours and even though I had some oil of clove, it was not working any magic like it did in that film. So, this morning I got up and took my medicines and by fortune some of them knocked the pain down. Still, I know the signs of an abscess and it can be dangerous what with your teeth being close by your brain, so I called the dentist and they said come on down. So I did. It wasn't so bad. My dentist is a whiz with Lidocaine and he can give you multiple shots without your feeling it. The tooth in question was one that had broken during one of my famous seizures and it had to come out. Pretty nasty but it didn't hurt too much at the time. It does now but not like it did. Now I just need a root canal on the tooth next door and I'll be good to go. That whole Dental thing is weird though. It's really the last part of medicine that involves torturous devices on a regular basis. The modern dental setup is designed where the assistant sits behind you and you can't see what she is getting ready to hand the Doc. This is just as well because even though they have digital x-ray and all sort of technical marvels. dentists still use all sort of clamps and levers the do their dirty work. It would seem as though medicine could come up with a sealant that would go on a persons teeth once the permanent set showed up. Do that and then the dentist can all become jewelers which is what a lot of them do for fun anyway. Then they could ditch the "Inquesition" tools for good.

Remember that film? Well turned out it was not safe because Dustin screwed up the timing of the bad dentist who, by the way was also a Holocaust Monster, and all of a sudden he's in the diamond district in NYC where there is no shortage of Jews, a lot of whom recognize the Doc from back in the day and the word gets out on the street. Things don't end up too good for the ex-Nazi.

Well that's that. After spending the last few years in bed, it was fun to get out even if a little torture was on the menu. Hope to talk again soon.

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